Just keep swimming.

The Taiwanese swimming pool rules are a little extreme. My host brothers both take swimming lessons and I got to accompany them to the pool, along with Lucy one day.

Host Mother: Did you bring swim clothes?

Me: Yes!

Host Mother: Okay, bring them. What about a swim cap? Goggles?

Me: Hahahaa, is that a joke, of course not.

Host Mother: I have some you borrow.

We arrive at the pool, all is good to go. I go into the men’s locker room and discover that everyone must shower before going into the pool. Sure, no problem. I put in my swim gear and head out to the pool.

Host Mother: Where is your swim clothes?

Me: I’m wearing them.

Host Mother: (Really confused) Huh? Okay, I will ask.

She walks over to the pool lifeguard/lord/rules man to ask if it is okay that I wear my ‘swim clothes’ to the pool. All is approved and I get to swim.

Taiwan Swimming Pool Rules:

1. Only Speedos or tight spandex allowed in the pool. NO SWIM TRUNKS! Exception: Carlos the foreigner who looks clueless about everything.

2. All persons must wear protective swim caps.

3. If you are not swimming laps you must get out of the pool or pretend you are swimming laps.

4. Goggles are strongly recommended, so much so that they are mandatory.

5. After you finish swimming you must jump in the zero-degrees-Celsius water followed by the 32-degree-Celsius water. It’s good for the body (Um, NO).

6. No jumping in the pool, no splashing, no laughing, no fun, no talking to others – YOU ARE THERE TO SWIM.